Divorced Father 18 Sep 2011  1 Comment

Divorced Father

I have been divorced for just about fourteen months and have a daughter, Melanie, age seven. Going through separation and divorce was like a doctor telling me, that I had Cancer. You hear the words, but your ability to understand, is temporarily blocked. My ex seemed to rebound faster than me, probably because, she had made up her mind that the marriage was over sooner than me. It is to bad, that both of us could not prepare for divorce, at the same time, and help each other over the hurdles. Maybe it could have saved a lot of resentment and anger. Maybe, not… We both got attorneys, which caused some strain on finances and we had to take a four hour course on parenting, which we decided to take separately. The Court required a shared plan, that addressed how we were going to spend time with our child and assume responsibility for her upbringing. Custody and time sharing are difficult issues and having people around to help is a blessing.

A big issue, that came up, was our different parenting styles and thank God, that our child was adaptable to my less consistent way of parenting. Both my ex and I have had heated words over my being to easy going, and for awhile, I might have tried to score some extra points with my daughter, by being “the understanding parent.”I would recommend a calendar/planner like the one on this site, because it’s like writing down important things and saving them, like preparing for your income tax. Maybe that’s a poor similarity, but nevertheless, as important. I know some divorced couples, that use a computer type calendar and pay a monthly charge. I’m sure it’s beneficial, but I like this type of calendar/planner, because I’m able to use it and understand it, right away and it’s so handy. The version for kids is really great, because it lets my daughter be involved in the plans and when I’m not there, go over times we spent together and even take out a picture or two. Divorce is really hard, but the majority of us, get through it. Some things take longer than others and sometimes professional help is a plus, when and if you need it. Writing this article was not as easy as I thought. Remembering some things made me sad, while other things made me smile and laugh. Go Figure…

About the Author

Mel Kaufman

Mel Kaufman has been in the healthcare field for over thirty years, as a clinician, administrator and consultant in mental health. The article was written as an educational reference, regarding divorce.

Mel Kaufman  5 Apr 2010

This young man emailed me, and asked me to post his article, since he felt a need to share with other divorced parents. I salute his honesty, openness and ability to communicate. I wish he, his daughter and Melanie’s mother, a bright future….

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